Paris

Paris

The day I met her was just another ordinary day, well so I thought it was going to be.  Every morning without fail I go to this little corner coffee shop called Café de Flore there is normally no one there but one other man and his tiny black dog that just sits right next to him keeping watch. I get the same thing and sit in the same spot, but that morning there was someone else sitting in my usual spot. She was a young, long brown hair, green eye with a sparkle of blue, sitting with a bit of a hunch, not good posture at all. I went up to get my coffee and walked over to the area where she was sitting. I awkwardly stared at her. She looked up very slowly and said very calmly and quiet,

“Umm… Can I help you?”

“ You’re… uh… kinda in my seat.” I muttered.

“ Oh! Well I didn’t see anyone’s name on it, so I assumed I could sit here.” I laughed a little and replied,

“ Well its not really my seat, I just normally sit there every day.” But I noticed that she was not smiling. That was the shortest conversation I had ever had with someone, and I really thought I would never see or talk with that girl again, and for the most part I was all right with that.            

A couple weeks later as I am walking into my favorite little coffee shop I see her once again. I thought to myself,

Do I leave and go somewhere else, or do I go in and try to talk to her? As I stood there stupidly, I made up my mind. I went in and got my coffee, and walked over to where she was sitting.

“Can I sit here?” I questioned.

“ Sure…”

As we talked more and more every day, I started to realize that she was just an average girl; she was an amazing girl. The more we got to know each other the more I thought maybe this was fate. We met every day at the same time at that little corner café. As we grew together we traveled and did almost everything together. She was my best friend, and I was hers. To everyone else around us we were weird and an oddball couple, but we didn’t care. We were perfect in each other’s eyes.

Well sometimes we weren’t all that perfect, yes we fought and pissed each other off, so bad that we couldn’t stand to be in the same building let alone look at one another. We always had away of making it up to one another. 

After about one year I decided to ask for her hand, but I was really nervous still so nervous that I could barely get the words out.

“Anne, umm…. Well I was wondering if you would marry me…?”

As she answered me with a laugh and a big smile, the not in my stomach started to untangle and she shouted out the words,

“Of course I will!!!!”

Shortly after we had a simple but everything she wanted wedding that seemed to be the most nervracking beautiful day of our life.  

The mom i might never get to know.

The mom I might never get to know

My 16^th birthday was coming up fast, only a few more days. I was so excited to be able to drive on my own, that was the only thing I wanted this year.

            Every other birthday, the one and only thing I wanted was to get to know who my birth mother was. The last time I saw her I was eight years old, but the last couple of years I didn’t care about finding her. I just decided to forgive and forget.

            A couple days before my 16^th birthday party I got a message on Facebook. I didn’t know who the guy was; but as I read it shock took over my entire body, I was still on the outside but extremely shaken on the inside. The message started out with him introducing himself, and him telling me that he was a friend of my birth mother. At first I didn’t understand what he was saying, but then he told me her name; Carmen. That’s when I began crying, I felt nauseous. He said that she wanted to get in touch with me and see how I was doing. My emotions were so messed up, I was so happy but also nervous. This person I didn’t even know, my birth mother, wants to get to know me. It was so strange to me.

             A few days later my dad went with me to go have lunch with her. We went to Mio Sushi, one of my favorite places to go for lunch. When I saw her I had this exciting, butterfly feeling in my stomach, I had always dreamed of what this would be like.  As we sat there eating I wasn’t sure what to say to her, after all I didn’t even really know who she was. She and my dad talked for a while, and I just sat there and listened. 

            She was a stranger to me, and partly still is. It will take along time to get to know a person that I hardly remember ever meeting. She is more just a friend than a mom to me; she will never be a parent to me. She waited too long. 

That Girl

Everyone saw her as a pretty, not very talkative, goody good, but was that who she really was? Maybe the reason why she kept to herself was it because there was another side of her that no one would ever see. Michaela Belshure had a mystery about her that no one knew. 

            Every night when she returned home from school she would eat as much food a she could, then shower and intentionally make her self vomit, she thought the only way she could get attention from guys was to be skinny!  She worked out at least 4 times a day for two hours, trying anything to look “good”.  She had hundreds of scars on her thighs from cutting herself, she was always home alone because her mom was never home, and her dad died when she was fifteen.  He died from a heart attack in the car with his daughter driving.  She rushed him to the hospital but it was to late.  Since her dad was gone her mom was becoming an alcoholic again from the tragedy, and she had been bringing home different guys all most every night! She wouldn’t even look at her daughter to re-direct the pain she blames her for her husband dying.  But in a way it seemed like she was happy that her husband died; more money for her to spend. 

            Michaela’s family was very wealthy; she drove a BMW, an Audi, an Escalade, and a truck to school.  Needless to say she was a spoiled brat with a major depression problem.  Michaela hid it from all of her friends and none of them noticed.  She was still as preppy as ever on the cheerleading squad, she was the captain and the main flyer. She was the girl that everyone wanted to be on the outside, but on the inside she was a mess!

            As Michaela came home from school one warm spring day she had was fed up with everything, and everyone.  She found her mom’s sleeping pills in the guest bathroom and filled the bathtub up with scalding hot water. You could see the steam rising from how hot the water was. She took all of the sleeping pills there had to be about 20 still in the bottle.  She set her suicide note on the counter in the bathroom that told her mom that she was sorry for letting her dad die, she immersed herself in the water and that was the last time she would every breathe.  Michaela died of an over dose, and now the whole world would see what she was really going through!

Showing Not Telling.

Thinking, picturing that one person you wish had never come into your life. That person who made some of my days so wonderful and made the sun shine brighter than a mirror reflecting a light, but then when they aren't there anymore I feel as cold as ice. Maybe if I wouldn't have ever met that person I wouldn't be  would still be me, or is it because I met that one special person that made me who I am. The disappointment in them, that made me so sick to my stomach. Why couldn't he just wake up and realize that things could change or at least try. It's hard to express in words how mixed up and angry I felt every time I thought of him or anyone brought up his name, but something inside of me still could not tell him how I felt. Every time I would try to my mouth could not form the words, my mouth felt dry, and like I had no vocal cords at all. I could not say a word, and wont ever say a word.

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